A LETTER TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE


 My love, I know that if you're reading this letter, it means you have already received the news. Perhaps you are the one who had the heavy task of informing everyone else.

I also know that you are reading this with your eyes filled with tears, rolling down those beautiful cheeks which I always enjoyed to slowly caress and gently put them at ease with my soft kisses.

I know that you have tons of questions, including the main reason that pushed me to the edge, for me to do what I eventually did, but my love, I am sorry that those questions will not be answered by me. But knowing you better, you will figure it out just like you always told me that you know me better than I know myself.

If I may ask my love, have you seen a duck swimming? Well, I doubt you do because you are not a fan of animals. But, above the water, a duck is always very calm and collected, but underneath the water, it is trembling and struggling. Well, I guess that was me because my smile, laughter and jokes were more like the duck above the water and my wet pillows, painkillers and smashed furniture at home every night were the duck underneath the water, trying to bury my sorrows.

I know that this is a shock to you my love, but please do not be disappointed by my decision. Your words of wisdom, words of comfort you always offered, were really finding the space in my heart – but, sadly, not enough. And it was never your fault. They were very much comforting because I knew that they came from a well-meaning place, from the bottom of your heart.

Please don’t listen to people who may say you’re a failure, because I know very well that I wouldn’t have walked all the way without your support, which you never hesitated to demonstrate every time. Just find it in your forever-loving heart to forgive me, my love, because with me I have taken our happiest moments together.

My sweetheart, please always understand that it took bravery to find happiness and freedom. My decision was to free myself from misery, sorrow and fake smiles to fake friends – not from you, my love. I was not a coward nor a failure, but I like to think I was brave. And I hope one day you will look back and realise how strong I was all this time.

I hate good-byes my love just like you know me, but I will see you on the other side.

At last, you will see my family, since they only unite during good-bye moments. And I am glad that this time around I’m bringing them together after so many years of living separately.

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