THINKING ABOUT LIFE

  My love, I know that if you're reading this letter, it means you have already received the news. Perhaps you are the one who had the heavy task of informing everyone else. I also know that you are reading this with your eyes filled with tears, rolling down those beautiful cheeks which I always enjoyed to slowly caress and gently put them at ease with my soft kisses. I know that you have tons of questions, including the main reason that pushed me to the edge, for me to do what I eventually did, but my love, I am sorry that those questions will not be answered by me. But knowing you better, you will figure it out just like you always told me that you know me better than I know myself. If I may ask my love, have you seen a duck swimming? Well, I doubt you do because you are not a fan of animals. But, above the water, a duck is always very calm and collected, but underneath the water, it is trembling and struggling. Well, I guess that was me because my smile, laughter and jokes...

For two years, NSFAS has brought nothing but pain and misery in my life. I view myself as a failure because I can’t pursue my dream. My peers are now on their third year of study in higher education, others on their final years because they were lucky to be accepted at first application. Last year 2021, I was accepted in the University of South Africa under Diploma in Law. But then my registration got cancelled after failing to pay the minimum fee of R4,000. NSFAS denied me funding after my application status being on “Funding Eligible” for some time. So, I spent the whole year trying to look for a job, but no luck. This year 2022, I am again accepted at UNISA for Diploma in Public Relations. Well, I changed the course because I thought they were not funding students who applied for Law but again this year I was denied funding. For two months my application status being on “Evaluation”, for months trying to gain access to my portal but it ended on telling me “Unsuccessful” appare...

Sometimes they say every girl's dream is to get married one day. This is true in most cases, but we must not forget that there are some girls who don’t believe in marriage anymore. After four years of being in a relationship with my boyfriend, Sam, I realised that marriage was just a fantasy. Although I had a wish of getting married one day, Sam's attitude towards marriage made me realise that as long as I was with him, my wish would never come true. So, throwing the towel on marriage became the easiest thing to do. Sam was an introvert, a less talk and more action type of man. He was very secretive and liked surprises. "Baby you know I don't like surprises", I said one day when he bought me an expensive gift without my approval. But Sam being Sam, he never listened. One evening Sam visited me, and he was in a good mood. I was getting used to his exciting mood especially when it was his payday. "Surprise!" He shouted while showing me two flight tic...

Beep! Beep! Beeeeep! Those were the sounds of the hospital machines waking me up from a deep sleep. “What is happening? Nurse! Nurse! Nurse!” I shouted as I tried to wake up my friend. “Liz, wake up! Liz! Nurse! Liz, talk to me! Please, Liz, please! Don’t do this Liz, just wake up!” I kept on shouting still trying to wake her up, with tears rolling down my cheeks. Immediately after the nurses heard me calling, they rushed over to the ward. “Please wait outside, Ma’am”, they said. I unsteadily waited outside, pacing up and down and crying softly. I remember praying softly and begging God to wake her up. A few minutes later, the nurse who’d told me to wait outside came out to me. “We tried everything we could, but unfortunately she didn’t make it. I’m so sorry for your loss”, she said while going back to where Lizzie was. Immediately after she told me the news, I started crying loudly, fell to my knees. I couldn’t handle the news very well. For some time I was so weak that I sat on t...

“You look too young to be travelling alone, where are you heading to my girl?”, asked the man I was sitting next to in the taxi on my long journey to Joburg. “Well, do you have to look old for you to travel alone?”, I replied with a fake smile. He was perhaps in his 40s, and I was definitely not interested in any further engagements with him. Deep down in my heart I kept asking myself the very same question the man had posed. I never wanted to tell anyone where my journey was leading to, but Soweto was my final destination. I had communicated with some girls I knew that I would be coming over to stay with them. They did not mind. In fact, they were very encouraging. It had been three years since I finished my matric and my life has been nothing but miserable. My senior certificate was as good as nothing. I tried applying to study universities and a college but I was rejected. In fact, I was rejected four times in different universities. I also tried looking for a job but even that ...

There are some things that many people fail to accept even in the 21 st century. Some people still cannot accept homosexual people. It is worse with parents because they end up disowning their own kids, their own flesh and blood. Such an act ends up hurting them (parents) in the process, though they do not realise at that particular moment. Most people still believe that homosexual people are either faking about who they are or are simply demon-possessed. Some people even hurl insults and show sings of disgust whenever they come across a homosexual person. During my youth days I had a gay friend, Sandziso. Well, I did not know about his sexuality at first, but I am happy now that I know. I met him at my 8 th grade. I was a newcomer and did not know anyone in the school. For the most times I was completely lonely at the school, with no one to talk to and share my lunch with for an entire week. After a week of loneliness, I saw a handsome and charming guy sitting in class, busy with hi...

Why do we dream when sometimes our dreams do not come true? Is it because they are not worth it? Or maybe they are way too big to become a reality? I wonder what life is like because I have seen many people dreaming about a lot of things, but even today their dreams are being delayed or completely shuttered, while other people’s dreams come true just at the right time. Anyway, my daughter recently told me a story about a girl she always idolises, who always had a special dream. There was a little girl who stayed in an orphanage, named Emma. Her dream was to become the best and famous singer in the whole world. She started singing when she was very young such that those around her would make fun of her and mockingly call her “Beyoncé”. As the years progressed, so did her passion for music and stardom.   Emma would spend most of her time singing. She would sing while doing home chores, walking to school and when she was bathing. Before her evening prayers, she would start by singing....